Thursday, June 28, 2007

An e-mail to a friend

I got such a kick out of an e-mail that I sent to a friend today, that I thought I would post it here on my blog. What began as cynical turned into something very comical for me as I wrote it. How therapeutic, right? Anyway, enjoy!


So... K.

I have to find a crappy job. One that is meaningless. One that will suck the life out of me and turn me into vapid shell of a person. One that will cause my heart and blood vessels to shrivel and dry out only to be blown away in the wind as dust. One that will cause my eyeballs to roll back into my sockets and up into the cavity of my skull where my evaporated brain used to be. One that will cause blisters, boils and callouses to form on my hands and feet. One that will cause so much pain and Hell that sitting through a 3 hour long concert of Natalie Merchant's singing will seem like peaceful, unadulterated bliss.

BUT! I digress...

In my search for a crappy, meaningless, life sucking, circulatory system drying, brain evaporation, eye-rolling, etc. job, I will need references in order to prove my abilities at such daunting tasks as the following:
1. Asking, "What can I get for you to drink today?"
2. Bringing said beverage to table.
3. Writing down on paper what a person wants to eat.
4. Bring said food to table.
5. Collecting payment.

Now, I KNOW that on several occasions, I must have done several of these arduous tasks for you or near you. I haven't ever written down what you want to eat, but you have seen me read and write haven't you? Anyway, it is my hope that you have witnessed such events because I would like to ask you if it would be okay for me to list you as a reference on my job applications. I would list you as a former classmate/ friend.

Soon to be souless,
The Opera Singer

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

So here's what's up...

Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people

You are sad because of your grief
Take this quiz!

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What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]

Your element is Light. Your heart is pure and shining with love. You believe in the goodness of those around you and give almost everyone a smile. You are not the kind to hide your happiness and tend to smile all day long, both in and out. But when sadness hits you, you become very devastated and may be upset for quite some time. What you need in your life is friends, friends who will love you unconditionally, like you love them. But you have a naive nature and don't always notice when someone is trying to hurt you. Some would say you are oblivious to mean people, which makes you an easy target. However, your true friends will probably be there for you and save you. In school you are either the popular one or the little weird one. It all depends if "the higher people" find your caring side irritating or not. Nevertheless, you have a bubbly personality and are social. Big partys may not be your thing since you want bonding time with your friends, so slumber-partys fit you more. You like the happy things in life and like everyone else to be as happy as you are.
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Wherefore art thou...?