Thursday, March 13, 2008

My new favorite video...

Please! You have to see this. It's hilarious! But be sure to watch until the very end. I laughed so hard I gagged!

Thursday, February 28, 2008


So one year ago today, I arrived in New York, and at this very moment one year ago my mother and I were assembling my Ikea bed.

It's amazing how the past year has been. Most of it has been very hard and not fun, but I think I'm a stronger person. I still miss San Francisco, and after my visit there for my birthday (which was one of my best), I realize that I'm supposed to be in New York. Even though my life as a performer has been at a stand-still, I try to remain optimistic that one day everything will fall into place.

Today, I've been reflecting on my one year in NYC, and I still haven't come up with any conclusive feelings about it, except that it's been very hard. What I've learned in the past year is that good friends, family, and "home" (wherever the heart is) are the most important things in my life right now. They are the foundation for my sense of well-being as well as my mental and emotional health. When I love and am loved in return, it brings the most amazing sense of peace and stillness to my spirit.

Monday, February 4, 2008

... and back to SF again

So I will be 30 years old tomorrow, which will probably be the last time anyone can say to me, "You don't look a day over thirty!" At least, tomorrow will be the last day when that statement is 100% true. Anyway, I digress...

My friends flew me back to San Francisco to celebrate. It has been a wonderful trip. Highlights thus far have included...
1. Playing Sims Castaway on R's Wii.
2. Seeing the mountains.
3. Getting a cheap, stylish, gay haircut in the castro.
4. Seeing Cloverfield and watching New York get torn to shreds from a safe distance.
5. Watching a cable car go by.
6. Renting a movie from my former neighborhood video store with K.
7. Eating at my favorite burger place, Flippers. (I screamed like a little girl when R drove me by there the day before)
8. Going to the beach in the rain.
9. Seeing my psychic and her baby in Oakland.
10. Dinner with family
11. Seeing ocean and mountains again.
12. Sunday afternoon nap.
13. Karaoke extravaganza party and seeing ALL my San Francisco friends. (that's right... if you didn't come, you aren't my friend... lol)
14. Going to one of my fav. neighborhood bars in the castro.

So, the birthday week is not yet over. I have more activities planned for today and tomorrow before heading back to NYC on Wednesday... that is if it's still there. It seems the Cloverfield monster didn't leave much standing. That's okay though, because I can always come back to SF.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Why did the chicken cross the road?

... well, what do these people have to say?

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

To die in the rain. Alone.

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ....... reboot.

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

I invented the chicken!

Did I miss one?

Where's my gun?

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Friday, November 30, 2007

HYMN to PUMPKIN PIE by Grace Parra

Some, O divine pumpkin pie, argue the Patch was your place of birth,
Where pumpkins roam free as mountain beasts.
Others sing of the Kitchen, from whence your ingredients merged
As stars from distant galaxies dance together for Helios.
But I, swinging with might my heavy sword,
Lash at you with two swift thrusts.
Slice! Slice! I am Parra, goddess of the feast!
You quiver slightly as I probe, but for your loss I feel no remorse,
For of your temple you are no proper guard.
I drive my stake to your heart, hot from the conquer,
But with rapid force I plunge to your mercy.
"O nutmeg! O flaky crust of bliss!" I weep,
Honor banished and swordsmanship humbled. My nurse-mother
Gives me a sip of milky ambrosia, skim as the day is long.
Rejuvenated, my eyes flutter open, and quickly become wild with
Rage. I charge at her, armor at tow.
"Why? Why did not you warn me of the poison, the drug?"
"Would that I had never occupied the pie plate, never tasted its
buttery glutton." Thus I speak,
And my nurse-mother whispers an answer: "So that you might learn,
Child, the sinful source of such pleasures.
Many a soldier as you has blamed the Patch, the Kitchen.
But the true taste of pumpkin pie occurs within."
"I do not understand," I seethe, preparing my spade with the fury of
Far-shooting Apollon. "Its maker is to blame! Fair-wreathed Demeter
From whom life is spawn!"
"Its maker is you," she cries. "Until it touches your lips, pumpkin pie
it is not. It is merely a spherical vase of temptation."
I stagger forward, the weight of my armor curving my spine.
"Now I see. It is not the pie that tempts me, but me who tempts the
pie." Wresting with fate, I grasp my spade.
Knuckles as white as swan's down, I hurl the spade to my heart.
"And I shall tempt no more." My final blow has been delivered,
The sun has set for the last time. But the pie –
The pie she lingers, fit for remembrance and another song too.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Please support me...

I have just discovered that my "friend" Coco has demoted the link of my blog on her blog because I have not posted in two months. "Well, you haven't written in two months," you might say. BUT BUT BUT... I spoke with her last week, and she said if I didn't update, she would take down my link. I asked her to give me time. You see... I was in Boston last week with family for Thanksgiving... yes it was nice, but we have to talk about more important things... the state of my blog at

I just sent Coco an e-mail expressing my dismay at how little time she gave me to post an entry to my blog. She failed to consider that I had to immediately return to work upon my arrival back in NYC, AND that we are STILL searching for a new roommate, AND I am having computer issues that are causing me to spend lots of "free time" on the phone with tech support. (at least they're nice when they are wasting your time).

What I ask of you... Please visit Coco's blog at and express your displeasure with her insensitive actions. If enough people can convince her that my blog is worth linking in the main links column, then perhaps she will realize how all too hasty her actions were. And then maybe, just maybe, she will fly out to NYC, and where I stand, she will approach on bended knee... in the cold rain... pleadingly stretch out her delicate arms as a single tear falls from the delicate triangular curve of her glistening eye onto the perfect curvature of her cheek apple where the cold, wet rain intermingles with the salty, bitter tear creating a stream of pure remorse which will fall onto the wet Earth with a resounding thud, and she will say, "I am so sorry. Please find it in your heart to forgive such a cruel and unjust action. Time after time, I have fallen and you have caught me... time after time. Time after time I was lost, and you reminded me to look... and I found you... time after time. Oh, please forgive my transgression. I have restored your blog to its rightful place. I was only lost again. You asked your people to remind me to look. Now I have found you as I always do... time after time."

Then I shall say, "Thank you. All is now at peace. Now come inside and have a delicious cup of Mighty Leaf tea."

Wherefore art thou...?